I'm back

People of the world listen to me speak!

I have indeed returned. I apologize my dear friends for my leave of absence, for the world is a troubled place, and I being a mere man, found myself in troubles. Yet I have overcome my life's hardships, and have upturned my face towards the radiance of the rising sun.

So without ado, let us continue our voyage through the nether-bowls of dining in Tel Aviv.

Today I dined at a Restaurant known as "River", one of these "asian-fusion" places that fry a bunch of chicken and shit in a pan, throw in some god damn MSG, and fuck me in the ass if what comes out isn't one heaping pile of tasty ass food. It's like someone took a greasy dump right on your plate, and you eat that shit right the fuck up.

I always felt that MSG is like the cheat-code for cooking food, its a bit like cheating, but hell, it takes good--Although I do usually regret it later down the line, either from a migraine or, what I like to refer to as, an anal apocalypse.

Be that as it may, the food was tasty, and the price was more than reasonable at 35 shekels. It is located at the intersection of Rothschild and Herzel.

The food to cost ratio receives a solid A from me! THUMBS UP!

The seating however, seems to have been designed by someone who is the results of close inbreeding, who surely should not be designing restaurants let alone wiping his or her own ass.

I wish I had a picture; trying to get out of our seats was like trying to be the first to enter K-mart during its black-Friday sale, the only difference is that instead of getting a new laptop for 99 dollars I got a molested and trampled by a stampede of crazed middle aged woman. (Actually, the two might be more similar than I think....)

Anyway, the seating is a fucking disaster. The food is good and cheap. The overall results? You decide.

Fuck you that's my job, I give it a 4/5.

As many of you know I am somewhat of an athlete. However since my injury I have been doing what most people do get fat.

Last few days my resolve has been coming back, and I have started to pay a bit of attention to my nutrition, the desire or maybe I should say training is starting to come back. When training for such a long time, the mind gets set to training. So I might be walking down the street and my mind starts sending signals do do movement that is related to training.

I just saw this video and my body was screaming with every fiber of my being to train.

A long way back

As a lot of you already know I injured my knee a while back ago. It has been a hellish few weeks with a lot of physical, mental and spiritual pain. Being and athlete working with my body getting injured is one of the roughest things that can happen, it rocketed me in to a bottomless pit of incomprehensible demoralization. These past weeks were spent stumbling around with a cane eating painkillers like jelly beans and not shaving. Coupled with a few other issues in my personal life I hit a bottom. Rock fucking bottom, sick and tired of being sick and tired. I looked myself in the mirror Thursday night and did not recognize who Id turn into, a zombie slurring on the words with a lot of facial hair. Friday i woke up and realized it, I woke up shaved the beard, dropped the painkillers and went to the gym to do physio, and get some blood moving in my veins. Anyways I am on Day 5 without cane and painkillers, I feel hella lot better.


The food of today came from a little Spanish/Mexican place on lillenblum named Frida something. Food was so freaking tasty and the price was really good. I ordered a fajita which apparently it is pronounced fahita.. It set me back something like 50 shekels and came with a drink and a starter.

Starter - Tomato soup
Main - Fajita
Drink - Soda

Great place with a lovely atmosphere and service was awesome.

I give this place 4 out 5 falafels!

YESTERDAY'S DINNER @ Shipudei Hatikvah

Yesterday night was my good friend Kenny's last night in Israel ... so we of course wanted to take him to some good authentic Israeli food. We went somewhere called Shipudei Hatikvah, which is in South Tel Aviv. This is a Kosher restaurant and offers all different types of meat on skewers in addition to LAFFA bread... yes laffa bread, which look something like this...

It was amazing because they kept bringing and bringing more hot laffa and salads :) The Laffa was super delicious.. in addition to the hummus which looks like this.....

It was a bit expensive when you add in the meat but it was a meal of kings and VERY HUGE. The people were nice and overall it was a good experience.

Hits:
-Lots and Lots of food
- Varieties of meat
- Many Many salad
- a continual refill of salads and bread

Misses:
- A bit far from the center... 30 shekel taxi ride from Benyahuda or you can take the 16 Monei Sheirut from Allenby
- A bit over priced... sorta
- I asked for water with ice and they put ONE CUBE OF ICE IN MY WATER!! LOL... so the water was super warm
- I was way too full when I left...lol

I give it a 3 out of 5 falafels

VeggieBANDIT signing out...

I'm back...

Been away for some time. Struggling with injuries, I hate to be a fucking cry baby but to injure a knee when being a somewhat professional athlete sucks. I live for my sport, few things in life brings me as much happiness peace and joy as being on the mats. I am really grateful for the people in my life who pampered and caressed me when I needed it the most.

Anyways back at work after being on the sofa for the past few days with my leg in the air moaning from pain, eating painkiller like they were jellybeans.

First day back we were going to Max Brenner to eat their delicious breakfast, however these cunts stop serving breakfast at 12 o clock. Seriously, there are a million and one breakfast around the clock places on Rothschild and to keep up you can not stop serving the most delicious meal of the day at 12.

We changed our direction and went to Cafe Hillel. I don't know if it is my excessive time spent watching history channel or what but every time I hear cafe hillel I think about some Nazi war criminal. I am sure it is named after some prominent jew, however I can see Hillel standing there with Himmler and Göring at Nuremberg trials.

Now to the food. I_MASTURBATE_WITH_MAYO bailed on us after his GF fell on a bicycle (lol).




Me and veggibandit decided to have a breakfast for 2.

Eggs, salad, 2 drinks and bread with various stuff to put on it like cheese, tuna and tahini.

Seriously I am happy the price was decent the food was good enough. There was no shortages of anything and their seating is amazing with a beautiful view overlooking Rothschild Boulevard.

Hits

nice outdoor seating

tasty eggs

no extra charge for cheese in eggs

10% discount

Misses

Service was a bit slow

HELLO HELLO ...ISRAELI BREAKFAST!

So today... Monday... the second day of the glorious week. I felt like I needed a huge boost since I was out till 3 am last night and barely slept ;) So I chose to go with something super healthy and energizing... this can only mean one thing my fellow friends and followers, AN ISRAELI BREAKFAST. You can basically never go wrong with such a decadent meal... take a look...

This decadent meal comes with 2 eggs however you want it (scrambled, omelet, sunny side up etc), cheeses, tuna, jam and olives, bread, salad and two drinks of your choice... so I got freshly squeezed orange juice and a coffee...MMMMMMMMMM. Me and supersizethatshit got the breakfast for two for 92 shekels meaning 46 shekels each, which is actually quit expensive; nevertheless, I would have to say it was worth it... it's A LOT of food and you are always satisfied. We went to Cafe Hillel, which is one of the coffee shops in Tel Aviv on Rothchild, although they have many locations all around the city/country. I have to say I was quit satisfied with just about everything... theres is nothing prominent which I feel I need to complain about....lol

Hits:
-  Healthy meal
-  A lot of food
- Comes with 2 drinks!
- Good Service


Misses:
- Could be a bit cheaper
- They brought the drinks out a little late
- They brought the cheese and bread at the same time as the meal... I like to eat the cheese and bread before (Just a personal thing of mine :)

I will have to give them a rate of 3 falafels out of 5.. for both service and taste... it was good, but not much more ;)

Love always... The VEGGIEbandit!

IT HAS BEEN A LONG TIME.... and because of that I got a SOUPY SALAD :(

HELLLO ALL!

First, I would like to apologize for the lack of post because supersizethatshit has torn his Meniscus
and well is incognito :( We feel bad for our dear friend and miss him unconditionally.... you are in our thoughts and prayers :)

On the other hand me and I_masturbate_With_Mayo have been making some excellent choices on where to eat for LUNCH, except when we ate at Rustico on Rothchild (In Tel Aviv, just pass Allenby). First I would like to say a few things.... its expensive, they didnt give us service for for about 20 min after waiting.... AND the food was NOT worth the money. Mutherfuckers.... The food choices are slim and you dont get much for the cost. My poor friend I_masturbate_With_Mayo asked for bread and this is what they gave him...

IF I WANTED CRACKERS I WOULD OF ASKED FOR CRACKERS!!!!!!!!!!! WTF?!?!?!?!?

Nonetheless, he got a pizza and I got antipasta...

It was ok, but mine was 38 shekels for some fucking vegetables WTF?!?!?! Nothing was included, not a drink nor bread... NOTHING ... the meal was quit a disappointment.

The service sucked... I almost got up and left because we waited 20 min just to get a menu and had to continually go out of our way for service...

They get a 1 out of 5 overall rating... DO NOT EAT AT RUSTICO!

Hits:
- Close to the office
- Food tasted just ok

Misses
- Horrible service
- Horrible and hot outside seating
- Very over priced


Today again... we ventured to the Sandwhich Factory ( Kosher and in Tel Aviv, Right behind the Max Brenner on Rothchild ) and usually I never go wrong with my omelet, cheese sandwich although today I wanted to try their salads...

Everything was going well until he SOAKED MY SALAD with dressing.... ew it was SO MUCH dressing and I am usually not the type to give back food but it was disgusting. It was more like what kind of salad do you want with your dressing instead of the opposite. So, I took it back and they were very accommodating and fixed the soupy salad.  The other issue was that is was 39 shekels... WTF... why would the sandwhich be 27 and the salad be 39???? does that make sense to you? In addtion to this the forks in the outside seating area were super dirty. ALSO>> they were drilling the wall outside, right where we were eating. Why would they choose to do this right during prime time lunch hour???? I am so upset because today ruined my perfect perception of the Sandwhich Factory... :(

Hits:
- Very Fresh
- They were accommodating when I didn't like my Salad
- I still love them because they have the best sandwich I have ever eaten :)
- Close to the office = more time to hang :)

Misses
- Soupy salad- too much dressing
- Price of salad is more than the sandwhich... WTF?!?!?
- Dirty forks outside

Overall rating: 3 out of 5 falafels
Service: 5 out of 5 falafels and very accommodating.

As for now... I am out. but I promise to post more.

Lots of LOVE... THE VEGGIEbanit ;)

Rustico

What up to all my players out there! First I would like to apologize to my loyal followers for having not posted in the past week, important matters have presented themselves, and I am not one to ignore the call of greatness.

That being said, there has been a bit of controversy over this blog, and I have just one thing to say in response to that:

Why did my text turn blue? I don't fucking know!

Ok, let's get back to the reason why we are here: food.

On Thursday me and my fellow Foodpal journeyed to Rustico, a fine Italian restaurant located on South Rothschild.

I ordered a pizza, and my associate VeggieBandit ordered some god damn antipasta. My meal came with a soup, so let's start there.

It was a cold tomato soup. The flavor was a bit tart, and overall, the flavor was a bit overwhelming to continue eating, it was a very hearty flavor, one that should be savored with a few bites, but not an entire bowl. So in lieu of this hearty flavor (and in accord with common decency) I asked for some bread to accompany my soup. The waiters were so gracious there at Rustico, they immediately brought me some fresh baked bread that I was able to soak up the soup with, ultimately balancing the flavors and resulting in an excellent appetizer experience.

NOT! Yeah fucking right, like that ever happens in my life...Look at this fucking bread...This is like a dried ass cracker stick. If I absolutely had to eat this shit to stay alive, I would rather shove it up my own ass and absorb the nutrients that way than to fucking taste these played out fucking "bread" sticks.

Ok, so obviously, the starter was disappointing, and the bread fiasco put me off to a bad start, so let's try to continue on amicably.

So my pizza arrives, and VeggieBandit's anti-pasta arrives, and I admit that the food looked good, here is a view:

Looking at it now, Jolene's looks a bit nasty, looks like egg yolk or some nasty shit, but originally it looked very tasty.

Overall my pizza was decent, adequate, average, and mediocre. But, I hate half of it, enjoyed the experience, and asked graciously for a to-go box. Here we go, this is my favorite part of the meal right here, check this out:

WOW! Thank's for wrapping my fucking pizza--This is not a joke, they literally covered it with two fucking pieces of cardboard and gave it to me. Wow, this is my life.

Overall, this was a fairly expensive meal as well, so this "double cardboard" wrap was really just a dick right in the butt. I'm going to have to give Rustico a 2.5/5 falafel-- I won't be coming back here any time soon.

That's it for today, tune back next week to hear about another shitty dining experience.

Until then, keep hustlin' playahs.

-Masturbates With Mayo

Love EAT

To LOVE to EAT or to not?

I have heard pretty good things about this place  (Love Eat) in addition that its organic which is almost unheard of here in Tel Aviv/Israel so me and my good friend  supersizethathshit went over to try it out. All was ok, the people were nice although the prices are ridiculous... 48 sheks for a lousy breakfast.  For me, I ordered an Asian rap and instead of the meat, I got tofu. This meal cost me 35 shekels...and it was nice nothing to talk about though, in addition to not being so satisfying.

The Place itself is nice... good outdoor seating but thats about it. Not much to talk about. 

It is definitely not recommended... I give it 2 out of 5 Falafels and for service I give a 3 out of 5 Falafels

Hits: 
- Organic
- Healthy
- Nice seating


Misses:
- expensive and not worth it
- There was a HAIR in supersizethathshi's meal 

 

On the other hand I went to Sandwhich factory again today and IT WAS SOOOOOOOOOOO GOOD, that I forgot to take a picture of it again.   Nevertheless the experience was yet again delightful, this time we ate there and we sat  outside of course. I have nothing to complain about except I asked for a cup of water with my meal, something simple but it was gross... really gross. Either I ate over the cup of water and got crumbs in it or there just happened to be  oily crumbs. Anyway The sandwich was more than good something you really cannot, NOT eat the whole thing. In addition the people are very friendly and accommodating.

Definitely a 5 out of 5... yes its only a sandwich and salad place, but when you have eaten your most favorite sandwich in the WHOLE IN TIRE WORLD>>> you will/ would also give it a pristine ranking. 

Hits:
- Clean
- Fresh
- Good Service
- Cheap
-Yummy as FUCK
- Best Fucking sandwich I have ever eaten EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR (not to mention guys these sandwiches are HUGE ... will take a picture next time :)
- Fresh Juices


Misses:
Skanky Tap Water


Over and Out
VeggieBANDIT

LOVE EAT

Yes I love to Eat, one of my favorite things to do. I am a fan of food, I love cooking the food, ordering food and eating or if you will devouring the food.There is a few eat rights in Tel Aviv the first one was in the shook a carmel if I am not mistaking, anyways that is pretty irrelevant. Today half of foodpals went to some kibutz looking kind of place that made me think of high school. Me and Veggiebandit decided to go to Love eat with their wholesome organic food. It is a great theme and something that we need more of in the city. There are way to many shwarma and falafel joints.

Anyways since I had some food with me from home I decided to go for a breakfast. Breakfast was not cheap and espceially not Love Eats Shylock breakfast. This breakfast of 2 eggs a small salad and some tiny ass bowls with various treats in set me back 48 shekels. Fuck me 48 shekels, that is almost $13. Did i Just order a beakfast or did I accidentally invest in real estate. I thought I would enjoy some cheese in my omelet, however cheese was another 8 shekels, I had to ask the kind gentleman behind the counter if I were to get 100 grams of cheese for that price. Onion was 2 shekels, you get a kilo of onions for that. So out of principle I decided to go with plain. It is the biggest load of horse shit that a establishment that overcharges in the first place for a tiny ass meal to charge for small supplements to the omelet. The owner or whoever founded this retarded rules must be the cheapest fucker in the country, cause seriously this does not make me wanna come back.

48 shekels worth of food right here

Anyways now to the Meal. The meal in itself was tasty I enjoyed the avocado spread and the apple jam tasted heavenly. Only one tiny objection, there was hair in my food!! Not a long hair that might have accidentally fallen of one of the lovely waitresses, no this was short and curly hair, like a pubic hair, you dont really know cause a lot of locals have that kind of hair on their head, either way it was vile. Fuck you piece of shit restaurant charging me 48 shekels for eggs with pubic hair in them.

In all seriousness this place can suck a big fat immigrant cock, they are survining cause they have tapped a special and much needed market. It is my hopes that someones opens another place with organic food and decent prices and put these whorebags out of business.

Hits

Healthy organic food

Avocado spread

Apple jam

Nice homemade juice

Love Eat..

Misses

Outrages prices

Hair in food

small portion

anything extra is fucking expensive

This is the pic of the Pubic hair in my food cause veggiebandits camera is some Chinese rip of you can not see the pubic properly.





Maybe the chef forgot his pants at home

Friday afternoon was spent on shenkin spending to much money. After walking around the stores that shenkin street has to offer, a hunger arose for some tasty food. There is one problem though, there are no freakin places to eat there. The few cafes on shenken sucks ass, only reasson they survive is that they have good real estate. We decided to venture down to the shok. There are a handful of decent places in and around the shok.

We decided to go to a a small little place that served grilled chicken. The small little place was blazing hot smelling of roasted chicken. There were not really anything to choose from, they had grilled chicken with potatoes. I would like to say that this was great and amazing, but it was not. I am comparing it to Offschwitz on lillenblum were the chicken is moist the skin is chewy. Here it was rather dull, dry with way to crisp skin.

However I do like the whole thing with a giant massive grill for chickens, it is like a giant chicken genocide.

Food 3 out of 5

Serive 2 out of 5

Sunday Bloody Sunday

Today friends I am going to take a different approach to the blog here. I will not speak today about food, which is the custom amongst us here at Foodpals (Inc), but to talk about the other aspect of Food.

Think about this for one minute before I presume. Yes, the other aspect of food. What happens to food after a couple of hours. What happens to food once it travels from your stomach into your intestine. What happens to food as it squeezes its way all the way through your small intestine and finally obtains more comfortable circumstances in the large and roomy intestine. Think about what happens to food as it is eaten by bacteria that let of putrid and offensive odors, and think about food as it makes its final journey out of the rectum and into it's final resting place.

So, do you have a guess? Were my examples too subtle?

Well, at any rate, I am talking about SHIT.

You may have asked yourself why the title of this blog post is called "Sunday Bloody Sunday", and it is no great mystery, for all shall be revealed:

This weekend I enjoyed myself immensely, I ate plenty of cheese, meats, candies, chocolate, french fries, shwarma, and actually, I tasted my own poop too, out of tradition for both the ritual of eating one's own shit, and also out of tradition and loyalty to the food I ate and the sacred bond we

once shared.

Well, today I was pooping, and naturally yes it was extremely messy (as usual) and after about 20 minutes of vigorously wiping, I spotted dark red spots on the toilet paper. Yes, my asshole was bleeding. I didn't panic though, because after all, this isn't the first time this has happened.

I went to the doctor and he said, "Hey, c'mon, a little bloody asshole, what can you do?" Easy to say when you live off of fish and rice, you don't get bloody asshole like me. Oh well!! Like doc said, what can you do!?

It's just another Bloody Sunday for me!!

A great week to everyone reading this, and remember, one in the shoe is better than three in the popper!!

Catchya latehz

-Masturbates with Mayo

SUNDAY OHHHH SUNDAY

First I would like to say SORRY to my very good friend, I_Masturbate_With_Mayo for erasing part of his post, because I got harassed by some fucker who doesn't accept free speech.  All that is written here is for the fun of the blog and if anyone has a problem with that, THEN DO NOT READ.

Now that, that is done I would like to talk about my unbelievable lunch today. First I would like to say that I did not go to lunch with the others because I had a meeting at 1. Nonetheless, I enjoyed an incredible meal. Much of the office are regulars at THE SANDWHICH FACTORY and many of them had recommended it to me although I never had the chance to go. Today I went and got a sandwich which was a footlong (to go). The person making my sandwhich was unbelievale and catered to all my needs.I told him I was vegetarian and he made me an omlete with mushrooms, cheese and onions. In additions to this I love my food very spicy and he did excellent. I got all the toppings in addition to avocado AND the bread was fresh out of the oven... I can honestly say that it was one of my favroite sandwhiches. MY FAVROITE SANDWICH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I apologize that I did not take a picture of this decadent foot-long but I assure you,  I will be back...

My only complaint was that is was super messy... but its ok cause it was BOMB

I am going to give my first 5 falafels out of 5
And for service I will give another 5 out of 5...

Thursday is yet upon us!

Hello dear friends and followers... it is with happiness to say thank G-d it's Thursday (TGIT ;)

Unfortunately we did not choose where we were going to eat before we left for lunch which left us wasting valuable lunch time and well wondering the streets extremely hot Tel Aviv. Nevertheless the others wanted Hamburgers and well I am the VeggieBandit and yes a vegetarian.

There is this excellent Vegan place called Buddah Burger, I had been there once before and it was great although my only complaint was that it took 30 min to get a burrito to go! I gave it a go again and got a veggie all vegan Shwarma... yes you read that correctly a VEGAN Shwarma....mmmmmmmmmmmm. I even gave  the boys to try and they thought it was tasty and in fact want to go there with me once.

This time it didn't take long to prepare and the taste was unbelievable. the price was 28 shekels which is great for an all vegan meal.

The ambiance at the restaurant is very so-cal which is great because it reminds me of home. My only complaint is that the workers always look filthy... I dunno maybe it goes with the whole vegan thing.

Regardless I couldnt be happier with the taste of the food.

I give the food a 5 out of 5 falafels
Service is a 2 out of 5

Hits:

• Delicious food

• Very cool Ambiance

• Many choices

Misses:

• Service could be better

I really recommend Buddah Burger for meat and veggie eaters alike ... the seitan/tofu tastes excellent and everything is very healthy and satisfying. I mean take a look at that decadent burrito :).... YUM!

<3 the one and only,
VeggieBandit

Thursday, lets celebrate

It's Thursday, (Turdsday) and that means its time to enjoy life.

The destination today was Wolfnights, a nice little burger joint with a decent lunch deal.

48 sheks = Burger, fries, coke. What else does one need?

The burger was nice and juicy like the cock of the black gentleman that crafted it, also black people have been historically marginalized and under-considered, and if they have any bad reputation at all it is because of this, and white people simply do not understand the context of their culture. My colleague's fries incidentally tasted better (story of my life) but overall mine were decent as well.

Nice seating arrangements, friendly staff, good friends, good people - Foodpals Ltd, where pals come to food.

I am always complaining about my weight, and as the days roll

past I am surely putting on the LBS, and in full force. As my dear friend Veggiebandit says, we are on the obese diet, and I surely cannot disagree.

But, what can you say? Life is a short-- its a beautiful place as long as you don't live in Africa, and hey, we're the lucky ones right? SO EAT A FUCKING BURGER !!!!!!

Meanwhile, I'm afraid I'll need some new oufits:

OOOOWWWWLLLLLL

Today we all decided to get burgers for lunch. Easy some may say, not today, we stumbled around the hot and humid streets of tel aviv for some time before finding a place. The original plan was to visit Burgerim on hertzel, however they did not accept our preferential form of payment sexual favors performed by veggiebandit or 10bis lunchcard.

Instead we set the compass toward Wolfnights on lillenblum, it was very fitting since we are 3 one man wolfpacks.

I choose a lunch special which includes a beef burger, soft drink and fries for 48 shekels. As soon as i ordered I got a soda to enjoy while waiting for my food, it took approximately 5 min for the burger to arrive. The burger was basic nothing fancy, just a good old fashion burger. I was pleasantly surprised by the quality of the food. Our last burger adventure was a big failure with hostile interaction with the staff followed by weird stuff showing up in the food. This was more of a success meal was tasty and well worth the price.

Hits

Decently priced

Tasty

Fast

Misess

No whole wheat option for the bun

A bit to greasy

Wolfnights get 3/5 falafels out of 5

The streets!

I love the little coffee shop the streets. It is located in the heart of Tel Aviv on Basel square with a lovely view of the surroundings, the price is not cheap but it is not really expensive either, the service is impeccable. This is a place that always delivers. Most cafes have the same menu with the same food and it all tastes the same, the streets stand out like a candle in the dark. Their menu is simple but still exquisite in taste, they supply a nice and friendly service, it is not unusual that one of the personal to come and chat with you to make sure you are satisfied and happy. I do not even live close to this place and still I go out of my way to eat here, the streets is to me what mecca is to the muslims, I make a pilgrimage there to enjoy some tasty food.

Yesterday I decided to go for the Caesar salad wich set me back 38 shekels with an extra 10 for the chicken. This is a Caesar that lives up to its name, Caesar the great emperor himself would enjoy chewing down this dish. Living in Tel Aviv in the middle east, finding a decent Caesar salad ca be hard. One time they brought me lettuce with a mustard dressing and said it was a Caesar. No! To qualify as a Caesar you need Caesar dressing that is the key, not to much and not to little.

It was perfectly prepared with the right amount of dressing, perfect amount of croutons and chicken that was perfectly cooked with a appropriate amount of cheese sprinkled on top. This lovely salad was so good it made me forget the poor meal I had previously had.

I highly recommend anyone to go there

I give The Caesar 4 out 5 falafels
And the service get 5 out 5 falafels

Hits

Tasty food

Good Menu

Friendly Service

Nice Location

Food comes quickly

Misess

A bit expensive

My favorite waitresses was not on duty

Lunch at Alora

Today, a day of glories because tomorrow my friends is the weekend... so we decided to take it up a notch and venture to some fine Italian cuisine, called Alora (in Tel Aviv on Rothchild).

You should already be aware that I came into this Lunch with a bit of anger from my last visit to Alora. The Stupid waitress got my meal wrong and instead of giving me whole wheat pasta (which I ordered) she gave me regular... and yes I asked 3 times to make sure she understood and at all three times she exlplained she understood. then when she brought out the regular pasta, I of course explained that I ordered whole wheat (chita Malaya, in Hebrew) she tried to explain that they were out, but that bitch simply got my order wrong. Don't get my order wrong and then lie that your out.... if you do not understand your customer.. ASK!

So this time they had a lot to prove.... I ordered from the business meal which like my colleagues have already explained is bullshit because you only get juice or what I like to call tap juice which is tap water from the sink... you pay something like 58 shekels and they cannot give you a coffee or soda with your meal... you have to pay 8 shekels more!!!!!!!!!!! WTF.

I don't like juice very much so i got lemonade. For my starter I got Antipasti and it was just ok, it is much better across the street at Landwert ( a coffee shop ) and for my meal I got the Rocket Salad which already sounds unappetizing, who names a salad ROCKET?!?!?!.

Anyway the salad was pretty good although nothing much to it and definitly not worth the price.

The waitress was nice so this review does not reflect her although the previous waitress that we had was a fucking bitch who got my order wrong and then lied to me when she got it wrong.

Anyway I will have to give them a review of 2 falafels out of 5 -- on food and for service they deserve 4 out of 5 falafels.

From the one and only,
VEGGIEBANDIT
VeggieBandit

Wednesday 28th of July.

Today we ventured to Allora, fine Italian dining.

Place is hella small and to get good seating you need to arrive in a appropriate time or call ahead and book a table.

Since this was a lunch I decided to go for a business meal, which is basically main course, starter and soft drink for the price of the main course. Alloras business lunch is a bit misleading, by soft drink they mean tap water, OJ or lemonade, if you want a soda or any other beverage it is extra.

For a starter I decided to go for a antipasti. The antipasti was ok, nothing special, whenever you have antipasti in a Italian restaurant you tend to expect more then from a local cafe. Antipasti is a Italian dish and should be at its peak in a Italian dining establishment, it was not, it was small and the flavor was rather plain. It barley tickled my belly, like I am a big guy and not some tiny midget. By now it was time for main course I decided to have Chicken scallop, chicken breast in a cream sauce with sweet potato. I had it before and this is tasty shit. When the food came I_Masturbate_With_Mayo's dish was overflowing with sauce and mine barely had any sauce on it. I asked about it and they said that all the sauce was in the chicken, same bullshit answer as last time. I ask for some more sauce and after a few minutes received another batch of sauce. Without the extra sauce it sucked with the extra sauce it was tasty.

As for going back to Allora it might be a while. The waitress was really sweet and helpful and made this luncheon quite nice. It is not he fault the chef is a crack smoking blind man that can not put the same amount of sauce on two exactly the same size dishes.

I would give this Lunch 2 out of 5 falafels.

Hits

Good service

Nice outdoor seating

Misess

Small starters

Misleading business menu

Does not deliver

However I was really happy to be dining with my fellows, two of the finest specimen that life has to offer. Good company can make the most spartan meal taste good. Foodpals makes food better!

Alora July 28, 2010

Well friends here we are again, it's Wednesday, and we decided to go for a little flair. Alora usually boasts a fairly high reputation, it is known for being above average in price but competent in quality.

Well, let's see if reality matches reputation.

First of all, this place is located on central Rotschild and is a quaint little Italian restaurant. The outdoor seating is a nice little patio, which I found to be comfortable and shady. At first look the business lunch appears to be expensive (58 shekels), but it comes with a starter and a drink. So lets dissect this little bargain and see if it's actually worth the sheks.

I went with the chicken escallop, with a Caesar salad to start and an orange juice.

First, the salad was huge in proportion and almost entirely filled me up IF I WAS A MOUSE. Unfortunately, I am a human, with emotions, and not only was this salad small and consumed in approximately 2 1/2 bites, but it was also emotionally upsetting, and I had to continue on with the meal in great sadness. Seriously, even if I was mouse, I could still probably finish this salad.

Of course it is possible that my critique of the salad is too harsh, for my dear associate Chris did help himself generously to it while my back was turned, and though it almost lead to altercation and violence, I am happy to admit that I have let this incident go. At any rate, the salad was lack luster at best.

Next I would like to address the "beverage". The meal is advertised as coming with a beverage, but this includes only "fresh" squeezed orange juice, lemonade and grape fruit juice. Those these are wonderful options, and I did enjoy my juice (even though I suspect they added sugar to it), to substitute for a soft drink, coffee, or anything else it costs an additional EIGHT shekels. I like the option, but I don't like it being the only option, and to be honest I felt a little extorted at this point.

Ok, now onto the main dish: creamy chicken escallop. Sounds good, right? Well, it is. Kinda. It's ok.

I remember the cream sauce having a more robust flavor, but this time it tasted a bit dull and I was forced to even salt it a bit. The dish came with three thin chicken fillets, topped over roasted sweet potato and looks as if a someone took a creamy ass dump all over the plate. The sweet potato was a bit under cooked and, what can I say, it was a bit bland I suppose. Over all, this shit is played out yo.

Let me also say that we had a very nice and accommodating waitress, and this review is by no means a critique of her service.

So, in closing, Alora is over priced and under served.

3 falafel out of 5.

Until next time folks, this is I_masturbate_with_mayo signing out.

One things for sure, I'll be doing a bit of walking to burn off this meal:

we are at allora

Getting some tasty italian food, stay tuned for review:)

The Shwarm

The shwarm is coming, take cover. That's right, mechanically separated beef, lamb, chicken, and...who knows what else!!!!!!! My anus will enjoy passing this, as much as my mouth enjoyed ingesting it. In fact, I may taste my poop tonight, just to enjoy my past experience.

But in all seriousness, this place is called "Dornim" I believe, and is located somewhere between Alenby and Herzl in Central Tel Aviv. Generally the Shwarma meat itself was somewhat lackluster, it could have been more succulent, however, the laffa was nice and tender, and the spicy sauce was exquisite.

The price was average to above average, ringing in at a total of 29 shekels. Overall, I believe there are better destinations for Shwarm in the Central Tel Aviv area.

I give it three and a half Shwarma out of 5.

And at the end of the day, I will certainly be making one of these: